My Attempt To Exercise: Part 2

Boob Challenged

I was at the top of the mountain, my heart pounding against my chest, my lungs heaving to repay the oxygen debt within.  I sank to the ground and looked out and down at the way I had come.  There was the car, a dot in the distance.  Was that my mother down there?  Could she see me as I waved?    There was Davley—just about caught up with me, despite the fact that I had a 10minute head start.  If I could pull off the next 5 minutes without a heart attack or fainting, I knew I had done good.  The only thing left would be to get back down.  I looked at the steep incline and spoke words of encouragement to myself “Going up is the hard part!  Going down should be a piece of cake! But wouldn’t that be great, now? A piece of cake?  Soft molten chocolate cake….”  “Y’all ready??” Davley interrupted my thoughts, “Ready to head back down?”  Grrr, I moaned… but I got up, “Yup, let’s go!”  Swishhh, Johann zoomed past me once again, “See you down therrreee!” he shouted as he ran down.   Davley began to jog in descent.  Great.   Should I jog too?  I didn’t want to trip and fall, nor did I want to put excessive pressure on my knees.  I opted for a quick walk in diagonal lines.  I remembered someone telling me that the best way to get down a hill was to walk in diagonal lines. And it was supposed to help relieve the pressure on the knees as well. But was it diagonal lines going down… or had they said going up??  Either way, my diagonal lines were keeping me back.  I decided to do my power walk/jog thing….knees ok?  Check.  Still upright? Check. Sports bra?  Nope.  I had to stop. Even if I had worn one, I doubt it would have made a difference.  My boobs were bouncing up and down threatening to knock me out.  This can’t work. I slowed to a tip toe.  Davley, from further down stops to check on me, “What is wrong with you?? What are you doing?”  “I can’t go any faster! My boobs are getting in the way!” “What?”  “My boobs are getting in the way!!”   With an impatient look and sound she responds, “Can’t you just hold them and run?”  With a flurry of indignance I say, “Well no need to be snotty!”  “ I’m not being snotty!” she counter responds. “Well, you’re being discriminatory—towards my boobs. You’re a boob discriminator!”  I could hear her heavy sigh as she turned to resume her jog down.  Once again, I was getting left behind.  Ah, to heck with it, I’d just run. “Woo-hoooo!!” went my warrior cry and I broke out into a run! Immediately my brain went off “Bad idea! Bad idea!”  But gravity was increasing my speed without my consent. Like shifting plate tectonics on steroids, my boobs bounced into my chin….whooooooooa… I tripped over a stick that my chest had blocked from sight…. I screeched to a halt as the epiphany flooded my mind:  When it comes to exercise, I am boob-challenged (see graph below).  I thought of all the other women out there in the world with my same predicament.  It seemed unfair… Johann was almost at the car and Davley was way ahead of me.  I didn’t want to be last.  My competitive nature kicked in.  If I could defy the elements, I could defy my boobs.  Grabbing them with my hands, I ran.  I ran like the wind and never looked back. Not even as I passed Davley shouting, “See ya sucker!”  I ran and ran and ran until I reached the car.  I did my victory dance and collapsed against the car.  I had kicked butt at exercise today.